Sep 172013

On one of my favorite shows, Parks and Recreation, when Leslie is on trial, she tells her best friend, “I need you to text me every 30 seconds that everything’s going to be OK!”

I could sure use this myself, right about now. But then I would just argue, “You say that, but what if it isn’t!” So….yeah. Never mind.

After nearly two weeks with no post, perhaps you’ve been wondering, why the silence? I’ve been debating about when and if I should write about this, because my first response to crisis is always to withdraw. However, I’ve realized that this is something I cannot endure alone.

Tomorrow afternoon, my husband will have a biopsy to determine whether he has prostate cancer. You may recall that his father had an aggressive form of this cancer, which took his life in 2012. My husband, because of his age and family history, has been getting regular PSA (prostate specific antigen) screenings. This year, his PSA jumped from 2.7 to 4.4, which is worrisome. A man his age should ideally have a PSA of 2.4 or lower, and anything above 4 is considered abnormal. Also, the rate of increase is a problem. An increase of .75 in a year is worrisome, and 2.0 indicates a possibly aggressive cancer, and a higher risk of dying from the disease. My husband’s PSA velocity is 1.18, so it’s surpassed worrisome, into really worrisome.

Prostate cancer is the second most common cancer in America, with skin cancer being the first. 1 man in 6 will be diagnosed with it in his lifetime, and while it’s often (though not always) a slow growing cancer, and treatable if caught early, the treatment often carries with it lifelong side effects, particularly with urinary continence and sexual function. Prostate cancer is often referred to as a “couple’s disease,” because of its effects on intimacy in a relationship, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t worried about that. Of course I am, but whatever happens, we will deal with it. I just want him alive.

Since his urology visit, my husband has been quite calm, while I’ve been a nervous wreck. I’ve always said that there’s nothing I can’t handle with him by my side, and that losing him would be the very worst thing imaginable. The mere thought of him having a life-threatening disease is more than I can handle. Our doctor says it’s not cancer until you have tissue, but all signs seem to point to cancer, so I’ve been trying to prepare myself emotionally for what lies ahead. If the future is anything like the last week has been, I will alternate between sobbing, obsessively researching prostate cancer treatment options (I never even knew what the prostate was before – now I’m practically an expert), babying my husband in the hope that if I love him ferociously enough I can protect him from harm, and hiding from the world in favor of stress-eating cake in my pajamas.

I’m not a fan of melodrama. I’m not one of those people who posts vague, fishing-for-sympathy-type posts on Facebook, and I try not to be the kind of blogger who overshares personal details until readers squirm with embarrassment… but this is the man I love. I have built my life around him and my children, and I’ve made no secret of the fact that I love him madly and always have. I was infatuated with him the first time I saw him, and I knew I was in love with him after our very first phone conversation. I’ve stuck to him like glue for 13 years, because I’m no dummy – I know that men like him are hard to find, and that he’s the one for me. End of story.

He taught me that there are men in the world who stick around, come hell or high water. He taught me that romance isn’t dead, that the crap times can still be funny, and that love can be like in the movies….only better. He is everything to me, and he has to be OK. But if he isn’t, I will be the most supportive wife you ever saw, and together we will kick cancer’s ass. As soon as I stop bawling.

If the man you love is age 40 or older, PLEASE make sure that he gets regular PSA screenings every year. They could save his life. And if you pray, please include us in your prayers right now. Naturally, I want the biopsy to be negative, but what I really need is peace and strength to deal with whatever it might be. I can’t keep walking around with red, swollen eyes and a giant lump in my throat, because sooner or later, the children are going to figure out that my problem is not really “allergies,” as I’ve been telling them.

Cancer sucks. The end.


  75 Responses to “Text Me Every 30 Seconds That Everything’s Going to Be OK”

  1. Heather,
    I recently went through a very similar situation with my husband. I will be praying for you and your family. God will give you strength when you have nothing and he will fight the battle for you, if you let him.

  2. You are SO on my mind, Heather. Praying for you all in the coming days… xxxxxx <3

  3. Your family is in our prayers, in Agape love.

  4. Continuing to pray for you all. Cancer does suck. Completely. 🙁

  5. I’ve prayed for your husband and I will absolutely pray for good results from the biopsy! I will also pray for strength for you Heather…God will get you through this!!!
    Much love, Janel xo

  6. Dear Heather, everything is possible through Jesus who gives us strength. Your family is in my prayers…

  7. I am praying for you right now! I am praying that whatever the outcome, God will be your sustaining All in All! He wants to be your everything! He wants to be the One in your life that will you get you through everything! I can say this like it’s easy b/c I do the same thing! I think I can face anything as long as my husband is by my side. But I’m quickly reminded that I can face anything if I face it with God! I will be praying that you allow the Spirit to work in you but I will also be praying for your husband and his test results!!! If you ever want to talk further, please email me! In Christ, Traci

  8. Heather,
    I am praying for you and your husband. I know tomorrow will be very nerve-wracking – the biopsy will have to be sent off for testing, right? Or will you find out then? Either way, God will see you through this obstacle and we will be here for you too. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Hugs from Texas!!

  9. We will be keeping your family in our prayers. Sending lots of prayers and ((Hugs)).

  10. So sorry Heather!! My mother is having a biopsy on her breast soon so I am with you! Cancer sucks!! Praying for the best!

  11. Hi Heather. I have been reading your blog for a few years, and have never commented on any of your posts until now. Please know that I will be praying for you and your sweet husband. Your love for each other is evident & reading this nearly brought me to tears. I will pray for peace and strength….no matter what.

  12. Sending prayers and love your all’s way.

    You have so many in your corner rooting, pulling, and praying for you and your DH.

    Praying for peace, non-life altering test results, and ease of anxiety.

    Love, A

  13. Praying for you and your husband.

  14. I have prayed and will continue to do so. I can’t imagine how this feels for you and your husband. God is with you both every step of the way.

    Psalm 37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by The Lord

  15. Praying for you all.

  16. First of all, let me say that I have read your blog for years and greatly appreciate your blogging values. I am fervently praying for you, your husband, and your children. You can do this with your deep love and faith in God.

  17. Heather,
    Prayers from Massachusetts for all of you!

  18. Yes, of course, many prayers for you, your husband, and your children. May God’s peace and comfort reign in your hearts and home. Heb 4:14-16

  19. It’s going to be okay. No matter what. God loves you and He’s got this. So it’s going to be okay.

  20. Dear Heather,

    We are praying too. In the UK but our hearts are with you.

    With love in HIM

  21. Heather,

    Many prayers from our family in North Carolina!


  22. Oh Heather, I can’t even begin to imagine what you and your husband are going through! I know that if I were in your shoes I’d be feeling and acting the exact same way! I’ll be praying for your family! The amount of love that you have for your husband comes out in your posts much of the time! So if the worst does come your way I know you will be fighting with all your heart to help him kick cancers butt! And know you have so much support here!

  23. Oh Heather, a big hug for you! Praying for all your family.

    Julie in Australia

  24. Sending strength, wishes and prayers to you and your husband, Heather. I’m glad you shared this burden with us…..everyone of us will now be standing right there with you guys in spirit.

  25. Our Lord will be your rock in this. I know you are a woman of faith. Just remember that He is in charge and His plan is perfect.
    I have a dear friend, her husband is known as ‘Superman’ because of the battle with cancer he has been in for more than 3 years. He has 2 different kinds of cancer. They gave him 3 months to live. That was 3 years ago and 65 chemo treatments ago. I will not lie and tell you he is fine and healthy. He is not, but he is still here, still sleeps with his wife at night and gets to love on his 4 grand children. That is what he lives for.
    I know your husband is a strong man. He will be okay. Just love him like normal and be his support. I am praying for you too.

  26. Heather, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I have read your blog for years and I know that God is in this with you.

  27. Heather, Jon and I will be praying for all of you. May you feel God’s presence surrounding you today.

  28. You and your family are in our prayers.

  29. I’ve been reading for a while because of a lot of similarities between my relationship and yours — a similar age difference, a vasectomy that may make having a family challenging — and I’ve been so inspired by your relationship and the family you’ve had. You’ve given me a lot of hope that we can still have the family I picture by sharing your IVF journey. Thank you for that.

    I had been feeling anxious about planning our wedding and then I read this and now I feel almost ashamed for worrying about something so joyful when you are facing this. We have never met but know that there’s another person praying for you and your family. The love you and your husband share is so evident and I pray that gives you strength as you meet this challenge together.

  30. Heather,
    I just prayed and will continue to pray for your family. There really isn’t much someone can say to make you feel better in times like these, but I agree, cancer sucks completely! I lost my aunt a year ago to Melanoma, and I would never want anyone to have to go through that. I am praying for good results and strength for you and your family.

  31. Heather, I am so sorry your family is going through this. I am praying for strength for you and your husband, wisdom and compassion for his care providers and that this experience will strengthen both your family and your relationship with The Lord. There is nothing stronger than the power of prayer except His love for you.

    God bless.

  32. You will all be in my prayers! God bless ya’ll with many hugs.

  33. Praying and sending lots of love to all of you!

  34. Heather, it will be OK.

  35. Oh, Heather. I am so sorry. I wish mere words could make this situation better. Please know that you, your husband and your entire family are in our daily prayers. We will pray specifically and aggressively!

  36. You are both in my prayers.

  37. Praying for you, your husband and children. Blessings on your Wednesday and your future.

  38. Our prayers are with you!

  39. Thoughts and prayers headed your way from Iowa. Praying for wisdom and peace for you, your husband, family and doctors.

  40. Praying for you all daily, Heather. Your family, though we don’t know you personally, has become very precious to us. We will pray that you feel God’s peace through every step of this.

  41. Heather,
    I am praying that you, your husband, and your family know only health and happiness and that if the answer is something other than the best of news, that your husband’s doctors can find the very best of treatment for him and he comes through it with flying colors.

    My very best to you and your family today.

  42. Hi Heather-
    I am SO sorry to read this. I will be praying and believing God for a great report and for peace for you.
    Much Love…

  43. Heather, I am praying for you all. I’m so sorry that your family is going through this trial, but I do know with Jesus as your Savior, if you hold onto and lean on Him, it will be okay. Sending love in Christ

  44. I’ve read your blog for a while, but never posted a comment before. Had to say something after reading this… You seem to be a worrier like me so I’ll give you advice that I’ve heard over and over again. Don’t worry until you KNOW without a doubt there is something to worry about. When you get to a bridge, then you cross it. Whatever the outcome you WILL get through it.

  45. Heather, I’m keeping your husband and family in my prayers. I hope you feel a little comfort knowing that your family is being lifted up in prayer by so many.

    Matthew 18:19
    Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.

  46. Heather,

    I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 22, just months before I married my husband. It’s hard, really hard, but I promise you will be okay. Continue casting your worries on The Lord. Remember, you can do anything with His help. The hardest time to trust in Him is when hings are difficult and going wrong, yet it’s when we need him most.
    You are and our family are in my prayers.

  47. Praying for you, your husband and family!

  48. Heather,

    Thank you for sharing. I will be praying for you, your husband, and your family – especially during the next couple weeks.


    Psalm 105:4 Search for the Lord and for His strength, and keep on searching.

  49. De tout coeur avec vous, vous serez dans mes prières vous et votre famille.
    mierin de France

    wholeheartedly with you
    you are in my prayers you and your family.
    mierin of France

  50. This is my first comment on your blog . I have been following along for a few years. Your family will be in my prayers. Your children are precious , I have been trying to follow your practice of “wanting what you have”. Keep us posted only if you want. Your loyal readers will be concerned.

  51. Praying for you Heather.

  52. Prayers for you and your family. No matter the outcome remember you aren’t alone in this. ❤️

  53. With you across the many miles that separate us… Sending love to you Heather.

  54. Dear Heather,

    I came across your blog almost a year ago while “google-ing” ‘schedules for stay-at-home moms’ and have been addicted and convicted ever since! God has used you to encourage me and enlighten me as a young mother of 3, 3yrs and younger, in sooo many ways. And as a hopeless romantic myself, I’m so refreshed by the way you talk of your Love! I am truly thankful that you have reached out and helped so many!
    I am sooo sorry to hear about the high PSA tests and have been praying all day for you and the biopsy results. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but know I would be in the same emotional distress. It is wonderful that you know the Lord and can lean on Him during such times as these! Sending hugs and LOTS of prayers up to the Lord from NC. Phil. 4:6-7 & John 14:14

  55. Prayers ascending for you and your family right now! Please don’t ever feel that you are causing your readers to squirm due to oversharing. Sometimes it’s good to get things off your chest, especially when you’re naturally private. You have so many readers who almost feel like they know you because of all the ups and downs you’ve shared through the years and the support you’ve given us, and we are all praying for you and hoping you’ll keep us posted. We all care from afar!

  56. I am going to get up right now and start praying…Heather, everything will be fine….Keep your faith in Almighty….Praying for you and your husband….

  57. Heather,
    I just started reading your blog a few months back. I love how “real” you are. When you talked about the crap family bathtub I laughed so hard because I thought that stuff only happened to my husband and I. The elevator part was hilarious as it reminded me of the time my almost 3 year old pushed open the fire escape door at a known department store and all the employes came running. Everyone around thought “fire!!!” as a horrible alarm went off. It was awful and embarrassing. I got those stares as you spoke of from other individuals. Let me guess they either didn’t have kids or their kids are perfect.
    God is taking care of you. My father in law has prostate cancer. He had surgery over a year ago and 2 years later he is still going strong. God will walk thru this with you. He knows the desires of your heart. The enemy might try to make you feel fear but you just remind him that your husband is not going anywhere. When you feel that fear you tell that spirit of fear to get away from you and just remind the enemy of his ending.
    Love your friends In Nebraska and your sister in Christ, April

  58. Heather,
    I will be remembering you and your family in my prayers! I love reading your blog because of your honesty and transparency. Thank you for sharing this difficult time with all of your extended “family” of readers. As you can tell by the comments, I think I can speak for most (or maybe all) of us, that we love you and your family and will be lifting all of you in prayer moment by moment, day by day, until this situation passes. I am confident that when you are weak, God is strong…never be ashamed for calling out for help! Our loving Savior, Jesus Christ cares for you!
    Love and Prayers from Missouri!

  59. Sending you strength and love across the ocean.

  60. Heather, I am so sorry to hear this. As others have said, thank you for sharing from the heart — your relationship is an inspiration, indeed! Sending up prayers for healing and hope! I was thinking of you this morning as I read this verse from the hymn “Ask Ye What Great Thing I Know”

    Who defeats my fiercest foes?
    Who consoles my saddest woes?
    Who revives my fainting heart,
    Healing all its hidden smart?
    Jesus Christ, the Crucified.

    This is that great thing I know;
    This delights and stirs me so;
    Faith in Him Who died to save,
    Him Who triumphed over the grave:
    Jesus Christ, the Crucified.

  61. stay put….your family will be in our pray…..he just has to prove negative from the test result.

  62. Heather, I am so so so sorry that you have to be worried about this. I will be praying for his health!!! We are children of the GREAT PHYSICAN and he can do all and heal all!!! I will pray for your comfort as well. I hope He gives you His peace that passes all understanding (which is what I pray for when I am worried). **Hugs** Love to you and your family.

  63. Heather,
    I am praying for you. Praying that whatever the tests show, that you feel God holding you, and His Perfect Peace. Praying that if it is cancer, they have caught it early and that you have many more years together. I know how scared you must feel,yet there has never been a better time to have cancer (if you have to have it). They have made so many advances! I am so thankful you opened up to us so we may pray for you!! In December I will be a two year survivor of breast cancer, and I know how much it helped me to have people praying for me. You will get through this. Hold tight to God’s promises. He will give you HIS strength. Praying for you!!!

  64. Husband and I just prayed for your husband. Will continue to pray for him and you both. Just remember God will never leave you or forsake you. Get physical rest and spiritually rest in Him.

  65. So sorry to hear about your husband. We will definitely be sending lots of prayers your way.

  66. I’ve been reading your blog for over a year now and don’t usually comment. The way you describe your husband reminds me of my own–they’re big kids and kids are drawn to them because they are fun, fair and respectable. The love within your family is visible in the pictures you post. I pray for peace throughout the whole process!


  67. Heather, I’m sending all of my prayers and well wishes your way today. Your blog has helped me thru some really rough times….

    I also want you to know that IF the worst happens and it is Prostate Cancer (and I really, really hope it isn’t), that the outcome doesn’t always have to be the worst.

    My father was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer in 2010 at the age of 65. It was very scary for all of us, as my father is always the big strong guy who has survived everything. Anyways, my father and his doctors chose the surgery route as the best option for him. He had the surgery, and while it wasn’t pleasant and it was about 6 full months until he felt his energy come back….it was a huge success.

    I can’t comment on the sexual function side of things since he’s my father!….but as far as the incontinence (which I know is a scary thing as well because some men say they have it for the rest of their lives). My father never had even 1 drop of incontinence! It was something he was very, very worried about prior to the surgery and he never had to deal with it at all.

    My father got screens every 3 months after the surgery. When those all came back great for a year, it moved up to every 6 months. He will be screened every 6 months for the rest of his life. His tests have all come out great and he’s been cancer free since.

    The fact that your husband has been getting yearly PSA Tests is so in his favor. My father did the same….and that means that if there is something going on…it hasn’t been brewing for years unchecked. Only since the last test.

    You are a strong woman….you are a strong family unit….and as my mother says….you will “circle the wagons” and get through anything.

    I hope my fathers story has given you some comfort and of course I’ll be praying for everything to be ok…

  68. Praying for you and yours.

  69. Oh Heather, I am so, so sorry. Many prayers for you, your husband, and family. I do believe that love and support can make a difference in the outcome of these situations. Also, vent whenever and wherever you need. You’re entitled.

  70. I will be praying for you and your family.

  71. Dear Heather,
    I have been reading your blog for a little over four years now. I, too, am a mother of three children. I wanted to share that 1 1/2 years ago (at age 37) I was diagnosed with breast cancer. As you might imagine, it was an incredibly difficult journey both physically and emotionally, even spiritually. I want you to know that now my marriage is stronger than ever, and yes, even though cancer certainly DOES suck, it has somehow strengthened my relationships and my resolve to fight this horrible disease. I will pray for your family.

  72. Not sure if I’ve ever posted on your blog before, but I have missed you/it 🙂 for the past couple of weeks, and want to tell you that my family and I will be praying for your husband, you & yours’. Praying for you now~ Sincerely, Tiffany.

  73. Thank you for sharing, thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  74. Hi there…’s funny how someone you have never spoken to or met can be on your mind…I find myself going into your blog with hope of good news about your husband…my prayers that everything will be ok x

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