Things I Learned Yesterday

 Posted by on March 4, 2010  Add comments  Tagged with: , ,
Mar 042010
 

First, the winner of the “Moments for Mum” devotional book is Tracy from Mom on a Mission. Tracy, please e-mail me with your address, and I’ll get that in the mail for you. Thanks to everyone who entered!

Now…Bee has been home sick for the last two days. The poor kid’s had a rough month (though not as rough as me. I still win that contest). She had a respiratory illness at the beginning of February, and now she has a stomach bug, complete with fever and vomiting. These things come with public school attendance, and I’m thankful that the rest of us haven’t caught anything from her, but having her home sick makes life tough(er) right now.

Yesterday I learned a few valuable lessons that will help me during future episodes of illness. Notes to self:

1) Use clean dishes from the dishwasher all day long. That way, when supper time rolls around, it’s already almost empty when you go to reload it. Even better, use paper plates and forget the whole dishwasher thing.

2) Small children do not need to get dressed every day. Especially when one has puked on every pair of pajamas and every bed sheet/pillowcase/blanket she has, and another has peed on all of hers, and the third has pooped/spit up on all of his, and you’re so behind on laundry that you won’t catch up until they get married/go to college/hell freezes over. As long as what they slept in is reasonably clean and doesn’t stink, they’re fine. Let’s face it, you’re not going anywhere anyway.

3) Small children do not need a bath every day (unless one of them has barfed in her hair). Just wave a wash cloth in the general direction of their hands and faces, and call it good. I mean, it’s winter, it’s freezing cold, and nobody has gone outside in three days. How dirty can they be?

4) If you decide to make a chocolate cake because you’re starved from nursing, and exhausted, and hormonal, and the baby won’t stop screaming, and you need something to cheer you up, it will turn out much better if you remember to put eggs in it.

5) Don’t bother trying to make a chocolate cake when you’re exhausted, and hormonal, and the baby won’t stop screaming, and you need something to cheer you up. Just eat the chocolate chips out of the package like your husband does. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose. Or something like that. Better yet, skip the chocolate and have a beer.

6) When Erma Bombeck hid from her three kids in the backseat of the car, she was not a bad parent. She was a damn genius.

7) Exhausted, sleep-deprived parents don’t always get along so swimmingly. This is OK. Some day there will be time to go on a date/have sex/talk to each other. But not while you have a baby hanging from your boob all day.

8) If you’re nursing a cranky baby until it feels like your nipples will fall off, reading a magazine helps pass the time. You can look at all the luxurious beauty products and pretty clothes that you won’t be able to wear for the next 2 years, because you don’t have time to fix yourself up, because there’s a baby hanging from your boob all day.

9) No one gives a crap if your house is messy, and neither should you. If someone does make a snarky comment, first of all, who the hell do they think they are, June freakin’ Cleaver? Tell them that you’re perfectly happy to allow them to clean your house until it meets their standards. You’d do it yourself, except you’re busy cleaning up barf, and plastering band-aids on your middle child, who keeps hurting herself because she’s wound up tighter than a 50-cent watch, and there’s a baby hanging from your boob all day.

10) Take a shower. No matter how bad things get, you’ll feel 100 times worse if you wake up in the middle of the night completely disgusted with yourself because your hair is oily, and you have a big zit in the middle of your forehead, and you smell like throw-up. This might seem like mere common sense, but when you’re so sleep deprived that you’re practically comatose, and you finally manage to get all three kids to sleep at the same time, you’ll be perfectly content to sleep in your own filth. This is not good for your self-esteem. Trust me on this one.

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  One Response to “Things I Learned Yesterday”

  1. I love it! Thanks for the comic relief.

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