I’m Not Who I Was

 Posted by on August 21, 2009  Add comments  Tagged with: ,
Aug 212009

(Editor’s Note: My husband so enjoyed his stint as guest blogger that I told him he is welcome to write any time. This message of God’s care has been on his heart, and he wanted to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it.)

While I’m driving, I like to listen to a local radio station that plays music with Christian lyrics. These songs really get in your head! Some of my favorites include:

“You are Mine” by Third Day
“Ready to Fly” by FFH
“So Long Self” by Mercy Me
“Grace Like Rain” by Todd Agnew, and
“Untitled Hymn” by Chris Rice

Often, I hear a song with an enjoyable tune, but never really listen to the lyrics. Eventually, I listen closer and get to know the song. One of the melodies I really like has a couple verses that strike a note with me. The song is “I’m Not Who I Was” by Brandon Heath.

Have you ever listened to a song and picked up a verse that applied to your life, only to listen to the rest of the song and realize that it isn’t exactly what you expected? This song is one of them, but I seriously identify with the following verses:

I wish that you could see me now,
I wish that I could show you how,
I’m not who I was.


I reckon it’s a funny thing,
I figured out that I can sing,
Now I’m not who I was.

Not that I can sing, or even sing better than I used to, but I have learned to “sing” the Lord’s praises. I can tell you how He has worked in my life, and that I’m not who I was. Not even close. Despite the aches and pains of being over 50, the road has become easier and I am less fearful, knowing what God has done for me.

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” Ephesians 1:7 NIV

God reminds me of this all the time. He reminds me that He is in control, and that He makes things happen. He reminds me that He is serious about His call for me to follow Him, yet He has a sense of humor about it. He reminds me that I don’t need signs from Him in order to have faith, yet He sends me signs constantly.

One of the most amazing, humorous, and interesting things God ever did to show me His presence involved a music CD. Heather has made several of these for me over the years. Early in our relationship (in the years B.C. – Before Christ) the collections I requested were an eclectic mix of secular, pop, and rock. The closest I ever got to anything spiritual was a few selections by Billy Preston, a song by Vertical Horizon (title escapes me now), and that old tune “Spirit in the Sky” (which is “iffy”, at best). When I accepted Christ as my Savior, my preference changed to music that glorifies God.

A couple years ago, I popped in one of those old non-Christian CDs to hear a favorite from years ago. After the song ended, I just let the CD run to remember what all was on it. A miraculous thing happened that night. That CD had always worked fine before, but now when it got to a Billy Idol song it skipped so badly that only the first few lines were clear. The skipping song was the most sinful song in the collection, “Flesh for Fantasy.” The next song after that came back as clear as ever. It is “Pray” by M.C. Hammer. The lustful song by Billy Idol is obliterated, gone forever, and the other 16 songs remain to this day.

I picked up my youngest son to take him to Bible Study Fellowship with me that week, and replayed it for him. He was more amazed than I was! He’s a computer engineer, and he said that the really incredible thing is that the CD shows no damage, scratches, or smudges. He tried to explain to me that music is somehow double written on a CD (meaning that both “writings” have to be damaged to produce constant skipping, unless the player is jarred). I don’t remember exactly how he explained it, but it was something to that effect. Knowing how those things are written, he said there was nothing I could have done (short of prayer) to try to damage one song out of 17. Truly, God was at work.

Has God shown you His work? Does He make you aware of His presence? Maybe my faith is weak enough that He still thinks that I need to see to believe. I pray my faith is stronger than that, and I will continue to praise Him for all He does and all He shows me.

God gives us free will, and we can listen to any music we want to. He didn’t erase that song to take it away from me. He erased it to remind me that I am walking with Him. I thank Him each day for the Holy Spirit that He put in my heart, the day I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I thank Him for all of the blessings He gives me each day. I thank Him most of all that, because of Him, I’m not who I was. All glory is to God.

In His care, Heather’s husband.