I Can’t Take It Anymore

 Posted by on May 24, 2009  Add comments  Tagged with:
May 242009

The waiting I mean. It’s torture.

I found a little chart on the internet (I know, I know…I shouldn’t be tormenting myself this way), that said that if the embryo implanted, it will have secreted enough HCG at this point to be detected by an over-the-counter pregnancy test.

I have a pregnancy test. It’s leftover from the two-pack I bought after our last FET. I know right where it is. I could go pee on it right now.

But what if it’s expired and doesn’t work right anymore? Or what if it’s still too early, and it says I’m not pregnant, even though I actually am? Then I’ll get all upset for nothing.

This week has been just awful for me. Every morning I wake up and think, “Do I feel pregnant today?” On some days the answer is no, but on others, it’s maybe. I’ve been so distracted and preoccupied that I’ve been unable to cope with all of my normal duties. As a result, my house is so messy that they’d have to clean it up before they could condemn it, and it makes me feel worse. Tonight, my husband was helping me hem some curtains on the sewing machine, and he had to shove aside a giant pile of junk to make room to work. He said, “Honey, is my messiness rubbing off on you?”

At first I took offense, but then I realized that given the state of the house, he had good reason to think that. Seriously. Those of you who always say very nice things about how organized I am and all, would be thinking “Boy, was I wrong about her!”

I’m so pumped up with adrenaline right now that I feel like I should get up and clean, but I really want to just lay on the couch in the fetal position and fret. But what good will that do? None.

What to do, what to do. I think I’ll go eat something…except nothing appeals to me.

Hmmmmmm……I guess I’ll post again when I’ve emerged from the land of indecision.


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